Further Exploring Communication Roadblocks

Further Exploring Communication Roadblocks  
by Kain Ramsay , Achology - Academy of Modern Applied Psychology.

One main reason for lack of healthy conversation is that, without realizing it, many people typically inject communication barriers into their discussions. Communication barriers are often emotionally led responses whose impact on the health of a conversation is usually adverse in some way.

These 'common communication spoilers' are especially likely to be destructive when one or more people in an interaction are doing so under stress of another. When our brains are under pressure we can have a hard time distinguishing between our own emotional state, and the emotional states of others.

Common unhelpful responses that we can all be guilty of include:

1) Judgment & Assumptions

a. Criticizing | Making a negative evaluation of another person's actions or attitudes. For example: “You brought it on yourself­ you’ve got nobody else to blame for the mess you are in.”

b. Name­ Calling | 'Putting down' or stereotyping another person. For example: "You're an idiot!" "Just like a woman." "Knob-jockey!" "You squaddies are all alike." "You're just a typical male!"

c. Diagnosing | Playing the amateur psychiatrist and assuming that you know the truth about why a person is behaving in a certain way. For example: “I can read you like a book­." “You are so easy to read." “Your motives are disgusting to me.” “Just because you are reading about communication roadblock, you think you're better than me!”

d. Praising Evaluatively | Making a favourable judgment of another person's actions, behaviours or attitudes. For example: “You are such a nice person. I know you'll help me with the home chores.” (This is a favourite method that parents use to manipulate their children!)

2) Sending Solutions (often compounds a problem or creates new ones without resolving the original dilemma).

a. Ordering | Commanding another person to do what you want them to do in an authoritarian fashion. For example: “Do your homework right now.” “Why?!” “Because I said so. . .”

b. Threatening | Attempting to control another's actions by warning of resultant punishments that you will instigate. For example: “You’ll do what I want you to do or else . . .” “Stop treating me like this, or I will remove something that I know you like.”

c. Moralising | telling another person what they should or shouldn't do. (Commonly happens in religious groups). For example: “You shouldn’t get a divorce; God will be angry with you!” “You should start apologising to all of those people who you've conversationally 'roadblocked' in the last two weeks.”

d. Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning | Closed­ questions are common barriers that prevent a healthy conversation from happening. Closed questions are those that can usually be answered in a few words­ or less (often with mere yes or no). For example: “When did it happen?” “Are you sorry that you did it?”

e. Advising | Giving another person a version of your proposed solution to his or her life's problems. For example: “If I were you, I’d sure tell her where to go .....” “That’s an easy issue to resolve. First, you do this ... then you do that ....”

3) Avoiding Another Persons Concerns (steering a conversation off-track).

a. Diverting | Pushing another person’s problems aside through distraction. For example: “Don’t dwell on it, Frank and let’s talk about something more positive instead". Or, “You think you’ve got it bad? Let me tell you what happened to me last week .... which was (incidentally) ten times worse than what's just happened to you!”

b. Logical Argument | Attempting to convince another person that they are 'wrong' and we are 'right' with an appeal to information based facts or logic. A logical argument has little (or no) consideration of the emotional factors involved in peoples dilemmas. For example: “There is no degree of truth in the world other than what I've read in my philosophical and scientific textbooks.”

c. Reassuring | Attempting to prevent another person from feeling the negative emotions they are doing by suggesting that "everything is OK" “Don’t worry, it is always darkest before dawn. Everything always works out OK in the end.”

4) Additional Common Roadblocks

Telling other people that they are sending roadblocks is a MASSIVE roadblock to effective communication: When people are first introduced to these conversational barriers, a typical reaction is, “That’s just what my wife (boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, etc.) has been doing for all these years. Wait till I tell him (him) about all of these conversational roadblocks that they've been sending me.”

Or, “My manager uses all these conversational roadblocks. The next time he does it, I’m going to tell him all about the error of his ways and point out how he is roadblocking me.” (This type of roadblock belongs in the judgment category btw).

If you want to improve the quality of your communications, pointing the finger of judgment at other people is never a helpful place to begin.

Summary

Specific ways of verbalising carry a high risk of putting a dampener on a conversation, which can resultingly become harmful to the trust in a relationship, triggering feelings of inadequacy, anger, or even dependency on another person.

These common barriers to a healthy conversation can often diminish other people’s self esteem and undermine their motivation to improve in any way. As you learn to listen, resolve conflict, and solve interpersonal problems more efficiently, your use of the roadblocks will inevitably diminish.

One of the most common road blocks to empowered communication is the assumption that other people view the world in the same way that we do and that all of our communication styles are exactly the same. Wrong, this is very seldom the case!

All people have a unique understanding and set of expectations with regards to how they (and others) should behave and communicate. When we develop a clear understanding of how to interact in a way that'll be better received by others, we can increase cohesion and connectedness in our relationships and achieve far greater communication clarity.

Questions for Self-Reflection:

Question 1) Self-awareness and reflection allows us to better appreciate different communication styles. Which of the above roadblocks might you have consciously (or unconsciously) fallen victim to?

Question 2) How might you change how you communicate with others to enhance communication and build credibility and approachability to create positive outcomes?

Question 3) How might you use this the information in this article to change your own patterns of communication?

The Art of Immediacy

Extracted from : Mental Health Practitioner ( Achology Certified ) by Kain Ramsay.

Immediacy is a fundamental skill in developing and maintaining close relationships. Offering immediacy in a conversation lets the other person know that you are completely available for them, and more interested in what's going on for them than anything else - this helps to build a healthy foundation of trust in the relationship.

Immediacy encourages the development of closeness, a sense of oneness and togetherness between the speaker and the listener. You convey immediacy through both verbal and nonverbal communication.

By way of definition, immediacy is a person's ability to use the immediate situation to invite the person they're communicating with to look at what's going on between them in the relationship. Immediacy can involve being honest about how you're feeling, offering a hunch of what the other person may be feeling and inviting the other person to discuss what is going on between you in the relationship.

Here's an example of using immediacy to offer someone else a hunch about what they may be feeling:

'I'm aware that you've said you never get angry, yet I'm sensing that you are very angry with me even though you're speaking in a quiet voice'.

People respond to communication that is immediate more favourably than to any other form of communication. People like those who communicate using immediacy as it demonstrates interest, care and helps to build rapport in the relationship. Learning to use immediacy will have a huge effect on the quality of our relationships by increasing the degree to which others find you attractive and respond positively toward you.

Also, there is substantial evidence to show that using immediacy is also very effective in workplace communication, particularly between supervisors and staff.

For example, if a supervisor uses immediacy, they are seen by their employees as interested and concerned. The staff are therefore likely to feel more comfortable opening up and being honest about issues that may benefit the supervisor and the organisation. Not only does this help to resolve workplace problems, but using immediacy creates a workplace environment where people feel more comfortable being themselves, which increases their level of motivation and job satisfaction.

People's response to immediacy will vary across cultures. For example, in the United States, immediacy is generally seen as friendly and appropriate. However, in other cultures, immediacy may be viewed as overly familiar, in assuming that a relationship is close when really it is only acquaintance level. Some people may interpret immediacy as a desire for increased intimacy within the relationship, and although you may only be indicating a friendly closeness, others may interpret this as a romantic invitation.

It's also important to be aware that certain individuals will find immediacy intimidating and challenging. People who are fearful about the communication may be keen to get the interaction over with as soon as possible. However, as immediacy prolongs and encourages a greater depth of communication, this can prove challenging for such individuals and may not be well received.

Here are a few ideas to consider about how to use immediacy (verbally and nonverbally):

1) Self-disclose - reveal something important about yourself. This helps the other person to feel more comfortable opening up with you and ultimately says 'I'm willing to trust you with this information and in the same way you can trust me'.

2) Consider your body posture - we express psychological openness and closeness, by, for example, maintaining physical closeness and sitting/standing in a way that excludes any third parties. This demonstrates we're fully engaged and interested only in the other person.

3) Focus on what the other individual is saying. Show them that you've heard and understood what they've said by offering them appropriate verbal and nonverbal feedback.

4) Be honest with the other person by offering them your view of them and of your relationship together. For example, 'I notice that you haven’t looked at me throughout this conversation which is leaving me feeling rather shut out. It feels like you're trying to prevent me from getting too close... I wonder if that’s how it feels to you?

5) Refer to the other person’s good character traits. For example, comment on their dependability, intelligence, or integrity - 'you are always so reliable'. In doing so, you're complimenting the other person and indicating that you are 'for' them.

6) Discuss common ground - talk about things you have in common, things you've done together or share. This demonstrates to the other person that you on one level appreciate the time you've had together, and also that you're choosing to speak about things you have in common because you want to connect with them and deepen your relationship.

7) Offer verbal cues - show the other person that they have your full, undivided attention by giving feedback cues, indicating you want to listen more and that you’re interested. For example, 'and what else happened?'

8) Maintain appropriate eye contact and prevent yourself from looking around the room at other people.

It's important to note, that because immediacy behaviours prolong and encourage in-depth communication, they may not be responded to favourably by persons who are fearful about communication and/or who want to get the interaction over with as soon as possible.

At the same time that you’ll want to demonstrate the above immediacy messages, try also to avoid non-immediacy messages such as speaking in a monotone, looking away from the person you’re talking to, frowning while talking, having a tense body posture, or avoiding gestures.

Lastly, don't worry too much about mastering immediacy, especially at this stage of the course, as this is one of those verbal and non-verbal communication skills that can take anything up to a lifetime to become an expert at.

What is CBT ?

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
(https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral)

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychological treatment that
has been demonstrated to be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness.

Numerous research studies suggest that CBT leads to significant improvement in functioning and quality of life. In many studies, CBT has been demonstrated to be as effective as, or more effective than, other forms of psychological therapy or psychiatric medications.

It is important to emphasize that advances in CBT have been made on the basis of both research and clinical practice. Indeed, CBT is an approach for which there is ample scientific evidence that the methods that have been developed actually produce change. In this manner, CBT differs from many other forms of psychological treatment.

CBT is based on several core principles, including:

Psychological problems are based, in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking.

Psychological problems are based, in part, on learned patterns of unhelpful  behavior.

People suffering from psychological problems can learn better ways of Coping with them, thereby relieving their symptoms and becoming more effective in their lives.

CBT treatment usually involves efforts to change thinking patterns. These strategies might include:

·                  Learning to recognize one’s distortions in thinking that are creating problems, and then to reevaluate them in light of reality.

·                  Gaining a better understanding of the behavior and motivation of others.

·                  Using problem-solving skills to cope with difficult situations.

·                  Learning to develop a greater sense of confidence in one’s own abilities.

CBT treatment also usually involves efforts to change behavioral patterns.

These strategies might include:

·                  Facing one’s fears instead of avoiding them.

·                  Using role playing to prepare for potentially problematic interactions with others.

·                  Learning to calm one’s mind and relax one’s body.

Not all CBT will use all of these strategies. Rather, the psychologist and patient/client work together, in a collaborative fashion, to develop an understanding of the problem and to develop a treatment strategy.

CBT places an emphasis on helping individuals learn to be their own therapists. Through exercises in the session as well as “homework” exercises outside of sessions, patients/clients are helped to develop coping skills, whereby they can learn to change their own thinking, problematic emotions, and behavior.

CBT therapists emphasize what is going on in the person’s current life, rather than what has led up to their difficulties. A certain amount of information about one’s history is needed, but the focus is primarily on moving forward in time to develop more effective ways of coping with life.

Source: APA Div. 12 (Society of Clinical Psychology) Date created: July 2017

Words: A Hidden Weapon of Domestic Abuse

Image Extracted from: https://themalaysianreserve.com/

When we think about domestic abuse, we tend to think about acts of physical violence. We picture women with bruises and black eyes, or worse. While this is an all-too-common occurrence, this assumption about domestic abuse causes us to miss the fact that the primary weapon abusers use against their victims is not their fists but their words. Does this surprise you? It’s true. Abusers seek to dominate and control their victims and most of that is done through conversations that coerce, manipulate, and pressure them into compliance. Abusers believe that their wives owe them unwavering and unquestioning allegiance and anything less usually results in harsh retaliation. This is clearly sinful and a far cry from a godly marriage based on mutual self-sacrifice. So, why do we, and even the victims of this type of abuse, often fail to see it? ¹

Full article : Words: A Hidden Weapon of Domestic Abuse

What is CBT

 What is CBT

What is life skills counselling?

Life Skills Counselling is a knowledge of theory and practice skills related to client problem management and opportunity development.

Practical knowledge and skills related to counseling are acquired through a structured professional curriculum divided into academic and experiential components that enable them to demonstrate a wide range of basic counseling theories and skills.

They are qualified to provide basic counseling, assessment, and referral in the following areas: Basic Counselling, Counselling Psychology, Modern Applied Psychology, Addictions Counselling, Sexual Abuse, and Trauma Counselling, Family and Couples Counselling, Youth Counselling, NLP, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Mental Health and Employment & Career Counselling.

In addition, they also have acquired the skills necessary to conduct intake interviews, maintain case files, and session notes. They have to undergo Clinic weeks which provide additional opportunities to practice counseling skills under supervision, investigate case studies, conduct research, and read course reference materials.

As part of the training requirement, they also have to conduct a minimum of 30 client counseling hours in which they applied all their relevant knowledge of theory and practice coach/counselling skills related to client problem management and opportunity development.

What is Coaching?

" A coach is someone trained and devoted to guiding others into increased competence, commitment, and confidence " - Frederic Hudson, Author of Handbook of coaching.

" In contrast to the emphasis on imparting information through tutoring and instruction, coaching is unlocking a person's potential to maximize his or her own performance" - adapted from SIR JOHN WHITMORE, author of coaching for performance.

Therefore, coaching is much more focused on the individual or group being coached, stimulating these people to make their own judgments and decisions. Coaching does not involve making a diagnosis or giving advice. A coach does not need to be an expert in the areas that concern those being coached. instead, the coach needs an ability to listen, understand, summarize what is being said and guide as nondirective as possible while a person looks at his or her own situation, reaches conclusions about what to do and then take action" - Gary R Collin, Christian Coaching.