Extracted from : Mental Health Practitioner ( Achology Certified ) by Kain Ramsay.
Immediacy is a fundamental skill in developing and maintaining close relationships. Offering immediacy in a conversation lets the other person know that you are completely available for them, and more interested in what's going on for them than anything else - this helps to build a healthy foundation of trust in the relationship.
Immediacy encourages the development of closeness, a sense of oneness and togetherness between the speaker and the listener. You convey immediacy through both verbal and nonverbal communication.
By way of definition, immediacy is a person's ability to use the immediate situation to invite the person they're communicating with to look at what's going on between them in the relationship. Immediacy can involve being honest about how you're feeling, offering a hunch of what the other person may be feeling and inviting the other person to discuss what is going on between you in the relationship.
Here's an example of using immediacy to offer someone else a hunch about what they may be feeling:
'I'm aware that you've said you never get angry, yet I'm sensing that you are very angry with me even though you're speaking in a quiet voice'.
People respond to communication that is immediate more favourably than to any other form of communication. People like those who communicate using immediacy as it demonstrates interest, care and helps to build rapport in the relationship. Learning to use immediacy will have a huge effect on the quality of our relationships by increasing the degree to which others find you attractive and respond positively toward you.
Also, there is substantial evidence to show that using immediacy is also very effective in workplace communication, particularly between supervisors and staff.
For example, if a supervisor uses immediacy, they are seen by their employees as interested and concerned. The staff are therefore likely to feel more comfortable opening up and being honest about issues that may benefit the supervisor and the organisation. Not only does this help to resolve workplace problems, but using immediacy creates a workplace environment where people feel more comfortable being themselves, which increases their level of motivation and job satisfaction.
People's response to immediacy will vary across cultures. For example, in the United States, immediacy is generally seen as friendly and appropriate. However, in other cultures, immediacy may be viewed as overly familiar, in assuming that a relationship is close when really it is only acquaintance level. Some people may interpret immediacy as a desire for increased intimacy within the relationship, and although you may only be indicating a friendly closeness, others may interpret this as a romantic invitation.
It's also important to be aware that certain individuals will find immediacy intimidating and challenging. People who are fearful about the communication may be keen to get the interaction over with as soon as possible. However, as immediacy prolongs and encourages a greater depth of communication, this can prove challenging for such individuals and may not be well received.
Here are a few ideas to consider about how to use immediacy (verbally and nonverbally):
1) Self-disclose - reveal something important about yourself. This helps the other person to feel more comfortable opening up with you and ultimately says 'I'm willing to trust you with this information and in the same way you can trust me'.
2) Consider your body posture - we express psychological openness and closeness, by, for example, maintaining physical closeness and sitting/standing in a way that excludes any third parties. This demonstrates we're fully engaged and interested only in the other person.
3) Focus on what the other individual is saying. Show them that you've heard and understood what they've said by offering them appropriate verbal and nonverbal feedback.
4) Be honest with the other person by offering them your view of them and of your relationship together. For example, 'I notice that you haven’t looked at me throughout this conversation which is leaving me feeling rather shut out. It feels like you're trying to prevent me from getting too close... I wonder if that’s how it feels to you?
5) Refer to the other person’s good character traits. For example, comment on their dependability, intelligence, or integrity - 'you are always so reliable'. In doing so, you're complimenting the other person and indicating that you are 'for' them.
6) Discuss common ground - talk about things you have in common, things you've done together or share. This demonstrates to the other person that you on one level appreciate the time you've had together, and also that you're choosing to speak about things you have in common because you want to connect with them and deepen your relationship.
7) Offer verbal cues - show the other person that they have your full, undivided attention by giving feedback cues, indicating you want to listen more and that you’re interested. For example, 'and what else happened?'
8) Maintain appropriate eye contact and prevent yourself from looking around the room at other people.
It's important to note, that because immediacy behaviours prolong and encourage in-depth communication, they may not be responded to favourably by persons who are fearful about communication and/or who want to get the interaction over with as soon as possible.
At the same time that you’ll want to demonstrate the above immediacy messages, try also to avoid non-immediacy messages such as speaking in a monotone, looking away from the person you’re talking to, frowning while talking, having a tense body posture, or avoiding gestures.
Lastly, don't worry too much about mastering immediacy, especially at this stage of the course, as this is one of those verbal and non-verbal communication skills that can take anything up to a lifetime to become an expert at.
